ARE WE REALLY "GENTLE" TOWARDS "OUR GENTLEMEN"?

“मर्द को दर्द नही होता” is a very common saying. These words are used even as a joke statement in a conversation between friends, family, and even in social groups. Meanwhile, ‘JUSTICE FOR MEN’ is a shocking and strange statement to them. So the question is why are these words like an alien (unknown)?

The answer to the question is, it is strange because of the society's deeply rooted forced beliefs like.

“मर्द को दर्द नही होता”

“अरे वो मर्द है”

“लड़के रोते नहीं”

And many more statements which are part of men’s life as they are reminded frequently that they are male.

When it comes to processing emotions, there are different expectations for men and women. Because women are often viewed as “sensitive”, it’s socially acceptable for them to express their feelings, like sadness or fear. But men, who are seen as strong and fearless, are not encouraged to outwardly express their emotions.

These cultural norms and gender stereotypes have been circulating for generations, and they can be toxic, especially for males. Our society has a very distinctly separated and res basis of gender. For instance, if you are a “real man” then you are not allowed to be vulnerable.

However, suppressing emotions and feelings can be incredibly detrimental to a man’s mental health.

BUT WHY DO MEN HIDE THEIR EMOTIONS?

There’s no argument that women are more likely to show their emotions than men. From an early age, men are conditioned to believe that expressing their feelings is out of character with the male identity. Doing so can ruin their image of being strong and stoic. Specifically, men are told that crying in front of other people will threaten their masculinity.

The same can be said about mental health. statistically, women are more likely to get diagnosed with depression or anxiety. However, men also deal with mental health disorders and distress. Over 30% of men will experience a period of depression at some point during their lifetime, and about 9% of men report having feelings of depression or anxiety every day.

Just because men are told to hide their emotions, doesn’t mean they don’t have them. And due to this social conditioning, men have trouble opening up and being vulnerable. This is the main reason why the issues of crime against males in India remain unsupported and unreported. Nobody wants to raise their voice against the wrong done to them, not even the victims themselves because of the society and Indian law which acts indifferent towards such crimes.

Indian legislation has ignored the fact that men can also be victims of different crimes. There is no crime like sexual abuse or assault done with men, according to Indian law. Why are men not considered victims under sections 375, 354A, 354B, 354C, and 354D of the Indian penal code? Only section 377 of the code talks about sexual violence against men but it incorporates only penile sexual intercourse. But the reality is that men are subjected to similar crimes as women like rape, trafficking, forced marriage, domestic violence, false dowry cases, false rape and other charges against men by women, kidnapping and abduction, and most important family pressure for earning and many more. But it goes unaddressed and thus leads to depression, suicide, divorce, and more men moving toward the crime world and many more.

There are certain traits that strongest men indulge into for expressing their emotions.

> For instance they cry alone.

> They go for long drives or bike rides

> They hit a bar

> They have a sex

> They might be more likely to act aggressively or get angry over something small, rather than cry.

Emotions that are associated with dominance or strength are viewed as more masculine, even if the underlying emotion fueling the behavior is different.

THE CONSEQUENCES OF EMOTIONAL AVOIDANCE

Part of what makes us human is our ability to feel our feelings and process our emotions. When we avoid these emotions, it leads to depression and anxiety, but for men especially, it can also increase their risk of suicide. Men are much more likely to commit suicide than women. In 2018, men died by suicide about 3.56 times more often than women did.

For men, being told to “man up” or “act like a man” is something they learn in childhood, and it stays with them into adulthood. Over time, men get really good at turning off their emotions or coping with their feelings in a way that is more acceptable for males. It creates a cycle of toxic masculinity, which can be hard to break once it’s a habit.

HOW MEN CAN LEARN TO OPEN UP

It can be difficult for men to feel comfortable showing their emotions, especially if they’ve been hiding them all their life. However, some ways that men can try are:-

> In order to open up about your emotions, you need to accept them & feel them. So be honest about the way you’re feeling.

> Find therapeutic hobbies-like cooking, exercising, art, and music.

> Men are less likely to see a therapist than women. Part of that is due to the negative stigma around men and mental health. However, seeing a therapist is one of the best ways that men can learn to open up about their feelings. Therapy is a safe space for men to be vulnerable without judgment from anyone else. It can help you learn how to feel your feelings and cope with your emotions in a more healthy and productive way.

The main reason for ignoring the pains of Indian men is the myth and deep mentality rooted in the mind of our society which needs to change. and they need to understand that a human being cries out of happiness, fear, and pain, and there is nothing gender about it.

Men too have a heart, and bodies made of muscle not made of metal, they too feel the pain of being forced and sacrifice their life to save prestige of family image in the heel-called society.

The attitude of Indian law toward men seems more like a mirror image of society's thought. So, let’s make ‘JUSTICE FOR MEN’ a new common, new normal statement and delete the myth created by the dangerous side of society that, ‘मर्द है उसको दर्द नही होता ’ and create a new statement:

“मर्द है पर उनको भी होता दर्द है”